Stronger Than Ever

It’s been over two weeks since the day i finally got to see you again.. Since the day i finally got to hug you tight, hold your warm hands and give you sweet kisses. It felt like a dream, it felt so surreal. I used to only imagine everything in my mind, i used to only dream about you.. And now, after over three years, you’re here with me again..



You probably don’t know how much i was overwhelmed with anxiety before i saw you. I was planning everything in my mind, every words and actions.. “Should i do this? Should i say that?” Damn. I was sleepless for several months. And finally the day arrived when i could finally see you, and yet every plans made suddenly vanished into thin air. I froze and didn’t know what to do.. I rushed to go inside my friend’s car that moment to give myself time to breathe and relax. I saw you again in the resort we planned to go to, together with our closest friends, and yet i was too shy to look towards your direction. I would try to avoid you and pretend i was too  busy to talk. Thinking about that foolish moment of mine makes me laugh, actually. But thank you, thank you for walking straight up to me after that. For immediately hugging me and for kissing my forehead. I felt better. I felt safe. Sorry for giving you a one-hand hug though, i apologize for being a coward that day. Friends told me straight away that they saw how much you missed me and still genuinely cared for me. I didn’t believe them. I thought that maybe it was a move to silence the awkwardness present. However, there you were again making efforts, telling friends that you still care. Little by little i was beginning to feel comfortable, though i still didn’t know the right words to say. I didn’t want to say the wrong things and reveal my feelings just yet, i was afraid to feel the pain i felt two years ago… But thank God we started talking comfortably at the place we went to after the resort. It felt like old times again, except better. From that day on, everything felt right again. It felt like the clock started ticking again.

I haven’t felt this happy in such a long time. I enjoy the conversations we would have, i enjoy our silent moments together and i enjoy every minute i spend with you. I honestly do. I used to only imagine everything in my mind, i used to only dream about you.. And now, after over three years, my love for you hasn’t changed. We’re here now, stronger than ever. I love you. 

What's going on in my mind right now?

I merely want to capture all my current thoughts and just place them all in this post. Hopefully my thoughts won't remain scattered and all over the place though. I guess my plan is that by the end of this paragraph, i hope to start finding the right words to help me explain and connect all the little thoughts, which can't seem to stop flowing through my mind. So here goes...

Exactly 23 days from now, i will embark on a new and challenging journey. I will say goodbye yet again to another county (temporarily, for now) and will go ahead to another. Though this time, my whole family isn't going with me. This time, it's all about me. This decision has been made so that i could continue my studies, start my college experience and for me to start living independently. I remember this was once just a small idea in my head, it's so weird to think it's actually happening now. That this 18 year old girl will have to toughen up and be more wise in every aspect, because it's very much needed. (Helerrr, being independent isn't just fun and games... Right?)

Late at night, i sometimes wonder if it would've been better if i just continued my studies here along with my sister... Would everything have turned out better? I sometimes wonder whether or not i've made the right choice of going back to my home country. Would i regret it in the future? *sigh*

It was kind of frustrating at first, specially when the decision was newly made. But then after a few weeks have passed, i began to think that i wouldn't want to repeat another year and waste a few more years of my life just staying in high school. Since we've been constantly moving around, we would always be held back in our studies because we're either too early or too late to enter the school year. And this is my case here. I only needed one more year since i've done 11th grade in Berlin already. However, i would have to repeat that year again here because i can't just enter the senior year straight away. So that's 1 year of repeating and then another 2 more years of high school. A total of 3 years if ever. By the time i reach the age of 21, that's the only time i will be able to graduate high school. All my other friends from all the countries i've been in would have already been in uni by this year and i can only do so after the age of 21?! That actually scared me a little. So thinking back, i reckon made the right choice of planning to start my college experience this year. I'm pretty sure it's a decision i know i won't regret.

On a positive note, i genuinely do get really excited at the thought of being able to see and have fun with my friends in the Philippines. I haven't seen them in years! It's been so long that i do get excited but anxious at the same time. We've all changed and i don't know if i can still ride the same boat they do.. But oh well, i'll probably just go with the flow when i get back. Whatever happens happens.

Oh, and since i'm going back because of my studies, i really am planning on doing well. I honestly want to become a better student, so that my parents will see that they don't have to worry about me. They will be living a country away, therefore i wouldn't want to hassle them with petty problems of mine. I will show them that they can trust me and that i can take on responsibilities. As i've said earlier, i'm planning to do all of these. And so i hope this plan goes into action. Haa! I will seriously do my best, and if my old habits do strike back again, i'd probably ask my friends to give me a little slap on the face to wake me up or something. Haa! (Seriously though...)

Since my flight is only 3 weeks away, my mom's been pushing me to start packing already. So i will have to get my luggage out of the storage and start filling them up with tons of clothing. It's going to be pretty hectic, i reckon. That's why i agree with the need to pack as early as next week. Since i'm going to be preparing and organizing my things, i hope i can prepare myself emotionally for this big move as well.

I CAN DO THIS!
Tep

A few things that make life worth living

Long conversations late at night. Ice creams. Waking up and realizing you still have a few minutes left to sleep. Traveling and exploring new places. Accidentally hearing someone saying something nice about you. Hot tea or hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. Falling in love. First kisses. Giggling Laughing at an inside joke with your friends. Laughing at yourself. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts. Laughing for absolutely nothing at all. Just plain laughing. Simple family day outs. Sleeping over at your best friend's place. Holding hands with someone you care about. Remembering last night's dream. Random phone calls that would make your day. Eating something you've been craving for. Watching the sunset. Unplanned imperfectly perfect outings with close friends. 

Tep

How will i fit everything in my luggage?!

I went through old boxes yesterday to look for more clothes and shoes to bring with me, since i will be moving next month. Upon opening several boxes in the store room, i found my mom's old pair of Jag pants, which i knew she won't be able to use anymore since it's tight around the waist area and that the upper part of the pants looked torn and scruffy. She never liked scruffy looking pants on me so i figured she wouldn't wear one herself. I then decided to turn it into a pair of shorts since i've been meaning to own a high-waisted pair for a while now. Furthermore, i didn't have any thing else to do around the house anyway. Haa! I made two DIY shorts a few months ago, however the difference with this one is that i didn't distress them at all. I also decided to fold the bottom part and hand sew the sides, to keep the folds in place. So happy with how it turned out! Looking forward to doing more projects which involves me sewing and creating clothes i like. 

THE FINAL OUTCOME!
Sorry for the bad quality, but oh well.

Also, a few weeks ago, i managed to organize my closet and count how many clothes i will have to bring with me. I have a maximum of 20kg baggage to carry with and probably an extra 10kg more since my mom will be coming along. Since i found a couple of more clothes, shoes and bags in the storage room, i need to re-count everything and see whether i need to buy more items or not. I've been wanting to buy a pair of black boots, since i don't own one, and also since i don't think i will be able to find a nice one in the Philippines. BUT for now, i'm thinking of just holding that thought and just bring with the shoes that i already own. I already have enough of everything, from sweaters to blouses. Therefore if i buy more things, i think i will exceed the weight limit of my baggage! I totally don't want to be paying extra for an overweight baggage. I probably need to look up on how to effectively fold my clothes properly so that i could fit a lot of items into my luggage. I've tried the rolling technique before, and i reckon that's the best way. We'll see...

Wew, at the moment i am feeling excited about this whole big move of mine. However, i'm overall feeling anxious. But that's probably a whole different story, which i might be writing a new blog post about in the future. 

I will watch a Korean show now! Teehee, just had to throw that info in there. Well, bye for now!

Tep

Red lips for Valentine's Day yo

So yeah, thought the red lips would match this 'holiday' (well if it's actually a proper holiday. lol). Tied my hair up and let some lose hair fall. 

That's it. Nothing much happened. Was just a chilled day. Happy Valentine's Day y'all. xx

First movie in SG with Ella!

Spent the day with Ella! We decided to hang out since it's the Chinese New Year holiday here in Singapore. We went to the movies and watched Hansel And Gretel. Gosh, at first i totally didn't get why we chose to watch that movie. But as i started giving it a chance, i began to realize that the story line is awesome! I probably wouldn't buy the DVD of this nor will i watch it again, but i still think the movie is good. Gretel is one kick ass woman! 

We later just chilled at KFC and had our snack. We talked about almost everything! Love how we clicked with this gorgeous girlaa immediately. xx

My imperfect sketches

The result of me being stuck at home alone. I guess i finally decided to do something a tad bit productive today..