Honestly, on the 30th of March, it didn't to mind that it was our monthsary that day. I was busy focusing on presentations and school work that i totally blanked out on what day it was. I received a message saying "Happy monthsary, I love you" during our physics class this morning and i totally flipped out. But i guess it's also because time was running way too fast that i didn't feel like a month had passed by already.
Last month it was a chaos for us. Well i was totally being very dramatic about a lot of things because i was so stressed with having problems about a lot of stuff that i needed a break. I totally made it hard for my boyfriend and made sudden decisions, which i regret doing. At that time, the whole distance was killing me. It was so hard to be away from him because i needed him so much and i missed him so much. But i couldn't do anything about it that i came to the conclusion that he needs to be happier and that he deserves to be happy without someone giving him a hard time. I thought i was doing the right thing for him, but i guess i wasn't. I also thought about being happy by myself here and be open about changes and possibly a new me. I thought maybe i needed to be more open with other friends and to expect the unexpected. But no, i wasn't happy at all. When i had no contact with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks, i felt so lonely and sad. I was jealous of other random girls that i see being in contact with him, because i was so scared that they can actually take him away from me. But though i was jealous, i didn't tell him that and i didn't show him that. I guess it was because i felt like i had no right anymore to say that, and i also thought it was going to be his choice wether or not to fall for them. I wanted to give him the freedom to do what he wants to be happy.
After a couple of weeks, i gave in. I told him that i missed him so much and that i want us to be okay again. It was very awkward at first but we eventually went back to the normal us. We message each other more everyday, and we tell each other stories of everything that's been happening. I've learned that it's true that when you love a person, you should set that person free when you think they're having a hard time on you. But i guess for me, i just have to know that it takes 2 people to decide on that. It takes a lot of communication, patience, trust and love.
Last month it was a chaos for us. Well i was totally being very dramatic about a lot of things because i was so stressed with having problems about a lot of stuff that i needed a break. I totally made it hard for my boyfriend and made sudden decisions, which i regret doing. At that time, the whole distance was killing me. It was so hard to be away from him because i needed him so much and i missed him so much. But i couldn't do anything about it that i came to the conclusion that he needs to be happier and that he deserves to be happy without someone giving him a hard time. I thought i was doing the right thing for him, but i guess i wasn't. I also thought about being happy by myself here and be open about changes and possibly a new me. I thought maybe i needed to be more open with other friends and to expect the unexpected. But no, i wasn't happy at all. When i had no contact with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks, i felt so lonely and sad. I was jealous of other random girls that i see being in contact with him, because i was so scared that they can actually take him away from me. But though i was jealous, i didn't tell him that and i didn't show him that. I guess it was because i felt like i had no right anymore to say that, and i also thought it was going to be his choice wether or not to fall for them. I wanted to give him the freedom to do what he wants to be happy.
After a couple of weeks, i gave in. I told him that i missed him so much and that i want us to be okay again. It was very awkward at first but we eventually went back to the normal us. We message each other more everyday, and we tell each other stories of everything that's been happening. I've learned that it's true that when you love a person, you should set that person free when you think they're having a hard time on you. But i guess for me, i just have to know that it takes 2 people to decide on that. It takes a lot of communication, patience, trust and love.
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