First Anniversary!

Time really flies fast, aye? In a click the alarm in my memory rang telling me it's already been a year since we got back together. Gosh, many memories are now flashing through my mind; from our shy "nice to see you again" moments, to the first time we'd meet each other's parents, and to the awesome getaways we've had. Don't know what else to say, i mean i've already posted blogs about our history, how we started as high school sweethearts, entered the LDR path, separated, and now back together. It's been a pretty hectic journey to get to where we are now, but i gotta say that it truly is worth it.


To prepare for this special day, i know that we're broke since we gotta save up for our fare to travel to Clark. But that doesn't mean i'll have to excuse myself from surprising you in the small ways i know?  


So first, i prepared you a video containing all our memories captured on film for this past year. I've prepared it since February, i think? I was a little excited, i gotta admit. Next, i wrote you a song. I haven't cleaned the rough patches of it yet, but i promise you i'll finish it. The lyrics are done, right in time for our special day. I also prepared you a wall filled with reasons why i love you and how much you mean to me, just to surprise you a little when you visit me. And finally, i wrote you a letter. It was a simple one, i just had a lot of things i wanted to say to you in my mind and so i needed to write all of it on the letter.


The best part of this all? His reaction! Was just too priceless. I never expected him to react that way, i thought these things were too simple, and yet there he was with such a reaction. Made me feel special, how small things like these would mean a lot for a guy like him. The tight hugs and the stare with a smile? Gahhh *spazzing just at the thought of remembering it*


Honestly, it's been an amazing 1 year with you baby... Through the little misunderstandings and fights we've had, we were able to make it, stronger each day. What i've done for you on our special day is nothing compared to what you have done for me through the years. Thank you so much for everything, seriously. For coming back into my life, i honestly couldn't have asked for more. God has blessed me enough. I hope you'd feel how much i love you through these small things.  


Happy Anniversary, baby! I love you, i honestly do.. More than words could ever explain.

Click to see the anniversary video i made, which i posted on Facebook.

Dinner at Don Henrico's: Fettuccine, Buffalo Wings & Baked Ziti.

My thoughts and feelings placed in a letter

Bought post-its and write all the reasons why i love him, to surprise him a little when he arrives. Didn't think i'd ever do things like this, but hey, only he has this effect on me.

A little selfie showing our haggardness before ending the day, lol.

 P.S. The next night we had Ramyun for dinner, then had tofu for a little late snack. Made bacon and cheese omelette with him the next morning, totally the best evurrr! Topped all those yummy treats with cookies and cream ice cream. Gahhh, y so perfect baby?! Hahaha. Cheers to the most simple yet amazing anniversary celebration with you baby! Anything we do is just the best baby. I love you so much! 

Christmas Break 2013

Christmas won't be merry & New Year won't be happy without them by my side. I love you guys, so so much.

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy1

Well i hope you liked what we cooked for you this morning. Though i admit i still need more practice, next time i’ll make the perfect French Toast for you :D Next time Ma, don’t wake up too early yeah? You’re spoiling the surprise. Haha! I guess we just have to think of other ways to surprise you then, since this breakfast for you thing hasn’t worked for the last 2 years :P But anyway hope you appreciated our efforts :D

Mommy, for my almost 18 years of existence, you’ve shown and given me enough care and enough love. I appreciate everything that you’ve done for us. I love how i can open up to you more now, and how i can share with you my thoughts and feelings on certain personal matters. That means a lot to me as i can somewhat talk to you like you’re one of my best friends. Mommy, time flies so fast and in no time, i will have to be making decisions and choices for myself on my own. When that time comes, i’ll promise you and Papa that i will make good choices and that i will be a daughter you both can be proud of. Happy Mother’s Day again mommy! I love you so much! Stay strong and smile always mommy, dito lang kami for you lagi. ♥

After a year...

Being friends > Being strangers

Smile, cause that was so yesterday.

It's funny reading my posts from months ago. I immediately asked myself  "Was i really that emo? Was i really that mad and selfish?" It's crazy. I actually want to delete the post before this, but i guess it's fine cause it's what i was going through and thinking of at that time. I guess it could be a memory from the past, which i could just go back to from time to time and say to myself, "Hey, i survived."

I'm okay now. Yes, i still do feel sad sometimes, i mean that was my first heartbreak ever, who could blame me? I've accepted what has happened already; i'm not mad anymore. First of all, long distance relationships are really hard so i respect those couples who are in it and have actually made it through that obstacle. But the long distance relationship that i went through was hard because i do believe that he did break up with me for my own good. He didn't want me to miss the opportunities i have here overseas and that he knows i'd have a better life here compared to the life i would have in the Philippines. Before i thought that was just an excuse to get rid of me, but now i respect his decision.

It's sad though because we could have had it all. I mean the love we had for each other was never the issue, it's just the timing and the happenings. But it has already been 3 months since the break up, i've already cried a lot, i've done a lot of thinking, i've taken my friends' advices already and i'm now okay. I'm just 17 so i still have a lot of time to meet a new guy who can make me smile more and make me happier. I'm not focusing on that now though, since i am still in the process of moving on completely. And when that time comes, when i'm completely okay and over him, i can open up to the right guy and be genuinely happy.

Love,
TEP

Dear Diary,

Noong nakipag-break siya sabi niya it's for my own good daw, kasi mas maganda mga opportunities dito sa ibang bansa kaysa bumalik ako sa pinas just for him.. First of all, gagawin ko talaga yun whether he likes it or not dahil mahal ko siya ng sobra sobra, kaya he shouldn't be the one making the decision kung saan want ko pumunta or what.. Second ang sakit lang 'cause sinabi lang niya yun to make me feel better, cause i don't deserve to know the real reason on why he wants to breakup and be a free man. I'd get hurt either way so sana he told me the truth na lang. Ang sakit. I've planned a lot for our 2nd year anniversary. Dami ko ginawa.. Pero napunta lang sa wala. Ang sakit lang dahil nalaman ko yung tunay na siya in this problem of being far away from each other. Na nalaman ko kung hanggang saan nga ang pagmamahal niya for me, na may limit din pala. Ang sakit lang dahil nawasak na lahat ng dreams ko, because to tell you the truth, he is in every single one of my plans and dreams for the future. Para bang, wala na lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Ayaw ko na sa LDR. Yoko na sa love. It's better to leave words unspoken than to try and mend a heart those words have broken. Haaay yoko na umuwi ng pinas, yoko na magplan ng future ko, yoko na magtiwala sa mga guys about love, yoko na. I don't wanna know him anymore, kung pwede magerase ng memories gagawin ko lahat. Dahil, ang sakit talaga. Ang sakit...

I'm the disappointment

I can't help to think that i'm the problem. For some reason, i always end up being the disappointment in our relationship. I've caused my boyfriend so much pain without intending to for the past years. I always end up making wrong decisions and right now, we're in the worst possible state - we are in a long distance relationship. And it's my fault again. I'm the one who moved away, i'm the one who put him in this hard situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I've already tried letting go for his sake, because i know he deserves someone way better than me. He deserves to be happy and not have a hard time just because of one girl. He's perfect. He's a guy that every girl has ever dreamed of. That's why i put the blame on me, because i can't treat him right. When i love him, sometimes i love him too much that i feel like i'm controlling his life. But i don't want that, i want him to have freedom, i want him to enjoy his life and not be trapped just because his girlfriend is confusing and is a little too far away from him. I think of his sake all the time but i end up hurting him more and i end up hurting myself as well.

So it's me. At the end of the day, i blame myself even though he'd constantly assure me that i'm not. I just can't help it. But this is what i will do, i will love him. I will continue loving him more and more each day even if it hurts, even if  our situation is hard. I will continue doing my part as a girlfriend and as a lover. I'm going to be there for him no matter what happens. I'm going to continue trying because i know he is trying as well. I know he's also doing his best for our relationship to work and i won't just throw away his efforts in just a click. I won't give up on him until he'd say i should. That's how much i love him.

22 months and still counting.

Honestly, on the 30th of March, it didn't to mind that it was our monthsary that day. I was busy focusing on presentations and school work that i totally blanked out on what day it was. I received a message saying "Happy monthsary, I love you" during our physics class this morning and i totally flipped out. But i guess it's also because time was running way too fast that i didn't feel like a month had passed by already.


Last month it was a chaos for us. Well i was totally being very dramatic about a lot of things because i was so stressed with having problems about a lot of stuff that i needed a break. I totally made it hard for my boyfriend and made sudden decisions, which i regret doing. At that time, the whole distance was killing me. It was so hard to be away from him because i needed him so much and i missed him so much. But i couldn't do anything about it that i came to the conclusion that he needs to be happier and that he deserves to be happy without someone giving him a hard time. I thought i was doing the right thing for him, but i guess i wasn't.  I also thought about being happy by myself here and be open about changes and possibly a new me. I thought maybe i needed to be more open with other friends and to expect the unexpected. But no, i wasn't happy at all. When i had no contact with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks, i felt so lonely and sad. I was jealous of other random girls that i see being in contact with him, because i was so scared that they can actually take him away from me. But though i was jealous, i didn't tell him that and i didn't show him that. I guess it was because i felt like i had no right anymore to say that, and i also thought it was going to be his choice wether or not to fall for them. I wanted to give him the freedom to do what he wants to be happy.


After a couple of weeks, i gave in. I told him that i missed him so much and that i want us to be okay again. It was very awkward at first but we eventually went back to the normal us. We message each other more everyday, and we tell each other stories of everything that's been happening. I've learned that it's true that when you love a person, you should set that person free when you think they're having a hard time on you. But i guess for me, i just have to know that it takes 2 people to decide on that. It takes a lot of communication, patience, trust and love.