I'm the disappointment

I can't help to think that i'm the problem. For some reason, i always end up being the disappointment in our relationship. I've caused my boyfriend so much pain without intending to for the past years. I always end up making wrong decisions and right now, we're in the worst possible state - we are in a long distance relationship. And it's my fault again. I'm the one who moved away, i'm the one who put him in this hard situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I've already tried letting go for his sake, because i know he deserves someone way better than me. He deserves to be happy and not have a hard time just because of one girl. He's perfect. He's a guy that every girl has ever dreamed of. That's why i put the blame on me, because i can't treat him right. When i love him, sometimes i love him too much that i feel like i'm controlling his life. But i don't want that, i want him to have freedom, i want him to enjoy his life and not be trapped just because his girlfriend is confusing and is a little too far away from him. I think of his sake all the time but i end up hurting him more and i end up hurting myself as well.

So it's me. At the end of the day, i blame myself even though he'd constantly assure me that i'm not. I just can't help it. But this is what i will do, i will love him. I will continue loving him more and more each day even if it hurts, even if  our situation is hard. I will continue doing my part as a girlfriend and as a lover. I'm going to be there for him no matter what happens. I'm going to continue trying because i know he is trying as well. I know he's also doing his best for our relationship to work and i won't just throw away his efforts in just a click. I won't give up on him until he'd say i should. That's how much i love him.