Goodbye 2013

Date check: 2 more days till 2014. Wow.

A million memories are flashing through my mind right now, i mean i can't even describe how different and how blessed i have been this year. If i was to sum my year up in a sentence it would be like this; I met awesome friends and church leaders in Singapore, moved back to the Philippines alone to start college life, reunited with my old friends again, got back together with my first love, made new friends in Baguio City, did well on my first semester in university, realised i can do well in school and dance well, and experienced the
crazy hardships of being independent.

Yep. That's about it. But... 

There's so much more to that vague sentence. I've experienced so many new things that made me wiser. Been through tears and have reached a breaking point at one point in time, but all those just made me wiser. It's a tough world out there, and living alone kind of pushes you off the edge. Living alone made me realise that i can't be strong all the time, though choosing to be, with the help of genuine people who care about you, is the first step. I was able to be strong through many circumstances because i had a great support system, my boyfriend, my best friends and my family. They all remind me each time time to stay true to myself and to continue doing what i can. They remind me when to chill down and have fun when i start stressing out. They remind me to do well in whatever i am doing so that i can reach my goals and dreams. And lastly, they remind me that no matter what i am going through, they'll be there for me.

What i've learned on my own? Well i learned to not trust people easily. I learned that giving your trust to someone is a pretty heavy thing and that if given to a wrong person, you'll feel the heavy weight of regret on your back. I've realised that being too kind is not a good thing either. I'm way too kind, and though i know i shouldn't be, i still am right now. I still have to work on that. And lastly, i've learned that though it's a tough world to live in, there are still small but great things to smile about each day. Like the hugs and kisses you might get from a special someone, or a cute letter a friend would give or the chance of discovering a talent of yours or how smart you can actually be. And the fact that you're given a chance to wake up each morning is a huge blessing already; or that you're given the time to do whatever makes you happy, i think that's such a blessing. 

Thank You Lord, again you have made me go on a roller coaster ride, and again i know You were there riding with me. Thank you for all the experiences; through ups and downs Your presence was felt. Thank You. I'm looking forward to what 2014 will offer me, excited about what You will offer me. 

Cheers to new experiences, to new lessons and to new discoveries this 2014!

A few memories captured on film. Thank you guys for helping put a smile on my face this year!

Christmas Break 2013

Christmas won't be merry & New Year won't be happy without them by my side. I love you guys, so so much.

Stronger Than Ever

It’s been over two weeks since the day i finally got to see you again.. Since the day i finally got to hug you tight, hold your warm hands and give you sweet kisses. It felt like a dream, it felt so surreal. I used to only imagine everything in my mind, i used to only dream about you.. And now, after over three years, you’re here with me again..



You probably don’t know how much i was overwhelmed with anxiety before i saw you. I was planning everything in my mind, every words and actions.. “Should i do this? Should i say that?” Damn. I was sleepless for several months. And finally the day arrived when i could finally see you, and yet every plans made suddenly vanished into thin air. I froze and didn’t know what to do.. I rushed to go inside my friend’s car that moment to give myself time to breathe and relax. I saw you again in the resort we planned to go to, together with our closest friends, and yet i was too shy to look towards your direction. I would try to avoid you and pretend i was too  busy to talk. Thinking about that foolish moment of mine makes me laugh, actually. But thank you, thank you for walking straight up to me after that. For immediately hugging me and for kissing my forehead. I felt better. I felt safe. Sorry for giving you a one-hand hug though, i apologize for being a coward that day. Friends told me straight away that they saw how much you missed me and still genuinely cared for me. I didn’t believe them. I thought that maybe it was a move to silence the awkwardness present. However, there you were again making efforts, telling friends that you still care. Little by little i was beginning to feel comfortable, though i still didn’t know the right words to say. I didn’t want to say the wrong things and reveal my feelings just yet, i was afraid to feel the pain i felt two years ago… But thank God we started talking comfortably at the place we went to after the resort. It felt like old times again, except better. From that day on, everything felt right again. It felt like the clock started ticking again.

I haven’t felt this happy in such a long time. I enjoy the conversations we would have, i enjoy our silent moments together and i enjoy every minute i spend with you. I honestly do. I used to only imagine everything in my mind, i used to only dream about you.. And now, after over three years, my love for you hasn’t changed. We’re here now, stronger than ever. I love you. 

What's going on in my mind right now?

I merely want to capture all my current thoughts and just place them all in this post. Hopefully my thoughts won't remain scattered and all over the place though. I guess my plan is that by the end of this paragraph, i hope to start finding the right words to help me explain and connect all the little thoughts, which can't seem to stop flowing through my mind. So here goes...

Exactly 23 days from now, i will embark on a new and challenging journey. I will say goodbye yet again to another county (temporarily, for now) and will go ahead to another. Though this time, my whole family isn't going with me. This time, it's all about me. This decision has been made so that i could continue my studies, start my college experience and for me to start living independently. I remember this was once just a small idea in my head, it's so weird to think it's actually happening now. That this 18 year old girl will have to toughen up and be more wise in every aspect, because it's very much needed. (Helerrr, being independent isn't just fun and games... Right?)

Late at night, i sometimes wonder if it would've been better if i just continued my studies here along with my sister... Would everything have turned out better? I sometimes wonder whether or not i've made the right choice of going back to my home country. Would i regret it in the future? *sigh*

It was kind of frustrating at first, specially when the decision was newly made. But then after a few weeks have passed, i began to think that i wouldn't want to repeat another year and waste a few more years of my life just staying in high school. Since we've been constantly moving around, we would always be held back in our studies because we're either too early or too late to enter the school year. And this is my case here. I only needed one more year since i've done 11th grade in Berlin already. However, i would have to repeat that year again here because i can't just enter the senior year straight away. So that's 1 year of repeating and then another 2 more years of high school. A total of 3 years if ever. By the time i reach the age of 21, that's the only time i will be able to graduate high school. All my other friends from all the countries i've been in would have already been in uni by this year and i can only do so after the age of 21?! That actually scared me a little. So thinking back, i reckon made the right choice of planning to start my college experience this year. I'm pretty sure it's a decision i know i won't regret.

On a positive note, i genuinely do get really excited at the thought of being able to see and have fun with my friends in the Philippines. I haven't seen them in years! It's been so long that i do get excited but anxious at the same time. We've all changed and i don't know if i can still ride the same boat they do.. But oh well, i'll probably just go with the flow when i get back. Whatever happens happens.

Oh, and since i'm going back because of my studies, i really am planning on doing well. I honestly want to become a better student, so that my parents will see that they don't have to worry about me. They will be living a country away, therefore i wouldn't want to hassle them with petty problems of mine. I will show them that they can trust me and that i can take on responsibilities. As i've said earlier, i'm planning to do all of these. And so i hope this plan goes into action. Haa! I will seriously do my best, and if my old habits do strike back again, i'd probably ask my friends to give me a little slap on the face to wake me up or something. Haa! (Seriously though...)

Since my flight is only 3 weeks away, my mom's been pushing me to start packing already. So i will have to get my luggage out of the storage and start filling them up with tons of clothing. It's going to be pretty hectic, i reckon. That's why i agree with the need to pack as early as next week. Since i'm going to be preparing and organizing my things, i hope i can prepare myself emotionally for this big move as well.

I CAN DO THIS!
Tep

A few things that make life worth living

Long conversations late at night. Ice creams. Waking up and realizing you still have a few minutes left to sleep. Traveling and exploring new places. Accidentally hearing someone saying something nice about you. Hot tea or hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. Falling in love. First kisses. Giggling Laughing at an inside joke with your friends. Laughing at yourself. Laughing so hard your stomach hurts. Laughing for absolutely nothing at all. Just plain laughing. Simple family day outs. Sleeping over at your best friend's place. Holding hands with someone you care about. Remembering last night's dream. Random phone calls that would make your day. Eating something you've been craving for. Watching the sunset. Unplanned imperfectly perfect outings with close friends. 

Tep

How will i fit everything in my luggage?!

I went through old boxes yesterday to look for more clothes and shoes to bring with me, since i will be moving next month. Upon opening several boxes in the store room, i found my mom's old pair of Jag pants, which i knew she won't be able to use anymore since it's tight around the waist area and that the upper part of the pants looked torn and scruffy. She never liked scruffy looking pants on me so i figured she wouldn't wear one herself. I then decided to turn it into a pair of shorts since i've been meaning to own a high-waisted pair for a while now. Furthermore, i didn't have any thing else to do around the house anyway. Haa! I made two DIY shorts a few months ago, however the difference with this one is that i didn't distress them at all. I also decided to fold the bottom part and hand sew the sides, to keep the folds in place. So happy with how it turned out! Looking forward to doing more projects which involves me sewing and creating clothes i like. 

THE FINAL OUTCOME!
Sorry for the bad quality, but oh well.

Also, a few weeks ago, i managed to organize my closet and count how many clothes i will have to bring with me. I have a maximum of 20kg baggage to carry with and probably an extra 10kg more since my mom will be coming along. Since i found a couple of more clothes, shoes and bags in the storage room, i need to re-count everything and see whether i need to buy more items or not. I've been wanting to buy a pair of black boots, since i don't own one, and also since i don't think i will be able to find a nice one in the Philippines. BUT for now, i'm thinking of just holding that thought and just bring with the shoes that i already own. I already have enough of everything, from sweaters to blouses. Therefore if i buy more things, i think i will exceed the weight limit of my baggage! I totally don't want to be paying extra for an overweight baggage. I probably need to look up on how to effectively fold my clothes properly so that i could fit a lot of items into my luggage. I've tried the rolling technique before, and i reckon that's the best way. We'll see...

Wew, at the moment i am feeling excited about this whole big move of mine. However, i'm overall feeling anxious. But that's probably a whole different story, which i might be writing a new blog post about in the future. 

I will watch a Korean show now! Teehee, just had to throw that info in there. Well, bye for now!

Tep

Red lips for Valentine's Day yo

So yeah, thought the red lips would match this 'holiday' (well if it's actually a proper holiday. lol). Tied my hair up and let some lose hair fall. 

That's it. Nothing much happened. Was just a chilled day. Happy Valentine's Day y'all. xx

First movie in SG with Ella!

Spent the day with Ella! We decided to hang out since it's the Chinese New Year holiday here in Singapore. We went to the movies and watched Hansel And Gretel. Gosh, at first i totally didn't get why we chose to watch that movie. But as i started giving it a chance, i began to realize that the story line is awesome! I probably wouldn't buy the DVD of this nor will i watch it again, but i still think the movie is good. Gretel is one kick ass woman! 

We later just chilled at KFC and had our snack. We talked about almost everything! Love how we clicked with this gorgeous girlaa immediately. xx

My imperfect sketches

The result of me being stuck at home alone. I guess i finally decided to do something a tad bit productive today..

The Dream School

Yesterday, we got a call saying that my sister and i got accepted at the school we've been wanting to study at ever since we got here in Singapore. I remember just listening to my mom's voice saying "Hello. Oh this is MI. (acronym of the school's name)" The moment i heard those words, my eyes became larger than they already are and a smile started appearing on my face. My sister was very confused since i only gave her a hand gesture, telling her to come closer to me so that she could listen to the phone conversation as well. Her confused face was so priceless! It made me crack up. Haa! I was all excited while she looked like a lost puppy. But anyway, i heard my mom further say words like "Wow! They got accepted? Oh thank you! When should they enroll? Oh they are already admitted? Okay we should report tomorrow?..." And when my sister and i both clearly heard those words, we started jumping silently, of course so that we wouldn't disturb their phone conversation, but we jumped like some retards who can't control themselves. Haa! Seriously, the feeling is unexplainable! We've waited for MI to tell us that ever since last September. It was so worth the wait! We thought we'd never hear those words. We thought it would be hard for international students to get admitted at MI, plus the exam that we took for international students was really hard (The Math questions were out of this world! Okay, that's a bit exaggerated, but still. Haa!). That's why it was that exciting to know we passed.

I've been searching up MI online ever since we were still living in Berlin. It was the first and only school i wanted to ever apply to and also get accepted at. The first time we visited MI to apply, i felt so so nervous that i dressed myself very nicely and did my hair in a girly but neat way to look presentable and to show how i really want to study at that school. I remembered being very stressed during the night because all i could ever think about was either me getting accepted there or not. I even cried when  we received the test results of the test we took for international students. I thought i didn't have enough points to pass. Furthermore, i knew that schools here are very hard to get into since they really base your entry on your grades and that they are very strict on that matter. My sister tried convincing me that  i passed and that it's all fine, but i couldn't get myself to believe her and still thought i really didn't have enough points. So after all the dreaming, after all the stress and tears, here i am now with a huge smile on my face. Very thankful and very happy.

Some pictures i took of MI. This school is gorgeous! 

Whatever decision i now make from this day on, i at least know that i made it. That i got into my dream school. And with this, i can make it as an inspiration to pursue a couple more of my dreams in the future. I will continue to dream high and also work hard to achieve things. 

Thank you Lord, for answering our prayers. Thank you Lord for giving us this much strength in us to go through rough patches but still be able to make it in the end. Thank you Lord, thank you. 

Dream high guys!

Tep

Amen to that!

I'm pretty hyped up about everything that has happened today! You know that feeling when you finally get to eat the food that you've been craving for for months already? Or when you finally buy that shirt you've been saving up for? That's how i felt today.

We went to a new church. Tita O, My parents' friend goes there every Sunday, and has mentioned how we can go there since we were looking for a Christian church. We've been wanting to go to that church since the end of December last year, however we only managed to ask about the location of the church just yesterday. And so today, my sister and i finally had the chance to check the church out.

Five minutes before the service was to start when we got out of the bus (though we didn't really need to take a bus since it was just a couple of blocks down the road. haa!) when we saw the big sign on the building that says "Grace Assembly of God". We got a bit nervous since we've never been to a new church by ourselves before. We didn't really know whether we should just walk in and sit on the chairs located at the back of the room or not. However, to my amusement, everyone was very friendly and kind! The others got up from their seat just to welcome us there. I really felt the warm welcome they were trying to convey.

The message being preached today at the church was very nice. It was about having faith in yourself and in God, despite the obstacles that may come your way. That in time, what's right for you will be given to you. Towards the end, the pastor asked who in the room is willing to know Jesus more. I raised my hand. At that moment, i knew i have never been that ready to do something like that before, to confess how eager i am to learn more about Jesus. I also started crying out of the blue. Tears continuously dropped from eyes as the pastor was asking us to confess our sins, ask for forgiveness, and to ask for a new beginning. At that moment, i felt very thankful and content with how i am facing today and how i am planning to face tomorrow. I felt genuine happiness.

To add up to that fulfilling happiness that i felt, my sister and i got to meet new friends! It feels great, knowing that i met new people my age who are pretty fun to be with, considering how i only met them for an hour or so. Like the adults who welcomed us happily, they too did the same. We played the Truth or Dare game to get to know a little more about each other. It was exciting knowing certain details i probably won't get to know in a usual one hour meet up with a new person. Hihi.

I got to fill my 2013 Jar Of Happiness today with my first entry! 

I hope more days like today will happen! I'm looking forward to filling my jar up with more amazing memories! I know i will be able to. God is good, all the time. 

Tep

Cheers to a new year!

Woohoo! It's 2013 beybehh! 

Okay seriously, i still get this crazy feeling where i can't believe another year has already passed by! I woke up this morning and was like, "Dayummm, it's the 1st of January already?!" But anyway, New Year's Eve was fun last night. We celebrated our first New Year here in Singapore! It was pretty different here though compared the New Years in Germany. It was pretty quiet around our place last night. No fireworks going on (probably 'cause people are prohibited to light up fireworks), no loud noises, no screaming for joy and laughters, and no loud music. The only huge celebration was happening in the city. It was kind of a bummer. But despite that, we managed to have fun ourselves. Chyeah, we always do. Haa! Just gotta think positive.

Okay, we didn't really do anything special, and it was just the four of us celebrating together. But as usual, we prepared some of our fave dishes, added some circle shaped food on the table (it's a filipino thing) and of course dressed nicely to show that we're ready for the new year. We also danced around while waiting for it to be midnight, and when it was already the New Year, we just went crazy! We jumped a million times (it's a superstition that when you jump on New Years, you grow taller. Haa!), and made loud noises. It was so much fun! If we had fun when it was just the four of us, what more if we have all our friends over aye? Haa! 

Wow, this is it. Time to change old bad habits and start afresh. Time to achieve all the things we've been wanting to achieve since last year. I have to admit, i am a little scared of all the things to come this year.  I know that there'll be new obstacles to go through and new happenings to experience. But depsite that, i will fulfill all the promises i've made to myself and my family. I will make them proud this year. I'll still be the old me, but i'll also instill in me all the things i've learned from last year. I'll be happier and wiser. 

Hope all our prayers will be answered in time, and i hope that amazing things will happen to everyone of us. 2013, Bring it on! 

Happy New Year y'all! 

Tep